“We are not broken; We are what comes next”
This is something that is not exclusive to Dissociative Disorders. Abandonment, and more importantly the fear of, is at the heart of many developmental, emotional and mental disorders. More importantly, we must first understand what the term means to those of us who fear it, and why. The world abandonment, usually means to most people, … Continue reading Abandonment
One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times … Continue reading Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!
My ability to stay in the present, through even the most uncomfortable moments, has allowed the system to gain confidence in me. They are no longer required to respond to every spike in my adrenaline. They do not feel the need to manage my life, as they are comfortable, validated, and safe within me; Mostly.
For as many years as we can remember, the feeling like we were very different, was always there. Maybe not the conscience knowledge of a particular issue, but the unthought-known, something was certainly "special" about us. The almost predictable ridicule and bullying we experienced though our early years, till our post adolescent years, was certainly … Continue reading My Alters Are Not Crazy, I Am
Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. How the over dramatification and lack of understanding of both coping skills has not only served to drive people to dark places, but also go to furthering the trauma, even compounding it in some cases.
We know, you think that the term Optimistic Depression is actually inaccurate on face; You may be right in a rationale world, here in the Outer Limits fo consciousness and despair, the rules of reason are scrapped for the programmed fight or fight response.
Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 3
Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 2
Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 1.
This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now … Continue reading DID, Marriage, and Therapy
So many times when we are processing, we wander aimlessly it seems through the depths of our mind. Many times we need to recall later, and as our crazy, fractured existence demands, we forget. Rarely do we have toe foresight to take notes of our adventures inward, looking outward. Making, or trying too, sense of … Continue reading Empowering Choice Without Fear
There are so many things we want to convey, as we persevere through the horror movie of our mind. So many revelations, or at least they are to us, and so many new questions to be asked and answered. As we now know the truth, that we are allowed to ask questions, safely. We also … Continue reading “Your lucky, you have good parents!”
as we attempt, to once more make reason from irrationality, we are still struggling with many things. We reach for words and concepts that we are so able to grasp minutes before, only to find the remnants of as dream lost to the darkness. We look for clues, we grasp at hints of thoughts, flashes … Continue reading Putting Together the Pieces of Acceptance
re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. … Continue reading What is Recovery
For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in … Continue reading Abandonment.
The Executive Committee. We are now entering new areas of life, daily, even hourly. We are traveling the uncharted ground of day to day, system management. We try and look at our life as a complex business, that has to be run efficiently, in order to survive. That last bit is critical, as our body … Continue reading Intra-system Relationship Management
The unique place that we, and we suspect many, is to find ourselves is trying too ascertain if we are looking into insanity, or peering into rationality from within the crazy. Always standing on the edge of madness, trying to reason from which perspective we are viewing our lives, can fuel the chaos, and deepen … Continue reading Wanting to Run Into Nothingness
We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there. We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair. We … Continue reading Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I
So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.
Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate. They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions. For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to. You can never quiet … Continue reading Regulating a Bully Alter
We are a great fan of existentialism and the freedoms that accompany living authentic. However this is a double edged sword, as responsibility for our choices is never without pain. Pain as it seems is the knife that forms the clay of humanity. We are very much defined through our own suffering, which in many … Continue reading Duty or Happiness?
Perhaps the most difficult thing for us, and we believe many others like us; is the ability to express our desires. A most basic human need and function. Without expressing our desires, we rarely are able to satisfy our existentiality. One of the fundamentals of being human, is our individuality. Our desires are not just whims, to be catered … Continue reading Fear of Expressing Needs
Six Daughters, Two Wives, fourteen personalities, in one body, and only one house. Yes, you read correctly. This post is going to address our very complicated, and very real situation we are currently living. This is the reality of romance and marriage in DID. This is the living hell/heaven/whatever, that we created, and many times … Continue reading Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance….
As we continue this journey through space and time, we realize more, there is no conclusion to our existence. Even though death is a certainty, reaching the climax of our humanity is certainly unattainable. The struggle to give meaning to the nothingness that we occupy only brings angst and despair. We are as Sartre … Continue reading An Existential Approach to The Integration Question
We have focused greatly on our opinion of the Existential ideology, and how that applies to the consciousness of our humanity, but also allows us to power our own freedom through true choice in actions. Admittedly, we believe that an Existential attitude towards our day to day lives is preferred; this cannot however be the … Continue reading Gaining Identity through Exi-Sential Balance
Power originating from individual authenticity, is the greatest source of energy in the universe.
To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down. Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with. This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise … Continue reading To Be or Not Boundary!
Every time I google DID, and thats a lot by the way, I always come up with the same verbiage and blah blah blah. For the afflicted, this is very daunting. We are isolationists, very mistrusting, if at all, and yet we are asked to believe that we have one of the rarest things on … Continue reading From Our Perspective. Yes I am Crazy.
Good Day everyone! We have been gone for a bit. Things have been very rocky the last few weeks since Gene passed. The alter reunion tour has been charging on whether they needed to or not! We hae been learning a lot about not only ourselves, but our current IRL family. More importantly how the … Continue reading The Sanity of Madness
Wow, ok so here we go... This is a complete mess! The fathers body sin cold storage, and I am the next of kin!! REALLY!! Are we the only ones that see the irony in this? So his new girlfriend wanted to cremate him right away...I also found out that the body was NEVER examined … Continue reading What to do with the Body???
So, a bit of a prologue here. We were on an emotional, chemical high. All natural, mostly. Lol. We did not go back and rearrange the paragraphs, so they are in the order as we processed them. We did this to simply demonstrate how deep the fracturing effects our everything. As we write today, we … Continue reading How Long Must We Pay For The Sins Of Others.
Today has been a shut day on so many levels. Honestly, most of it our own making. Damn, we hate that. When we realize we usually make it worse all on our own. Today is no exception. For personal reasons, let’s say my personal life is a train wreck. Again, not too surprising, neither is … Continue reading Sorry, Not Sorry about the Alters.
We write not only here, but in another much larger space. We respond to some questions interesting inquiries at times. Here is one tonight. A young lady sends me a message, wanting to know if she could tell if she has DID. This was different as we usually get people asking how to tell if … Continue reading Could You Tell If You Had DID?
So, we just read an article about how to respond to blog comments. Wow. We didn’t honestly know that there was a protocol for this. Can we just say we suck at it. We are so sacred to typically insult people, that we are just happy you didn’t hate it and took the time to … Continue reading a note from me, brian.
If you are going to let an asshole into your house, do not be surprised when he breaks something.
Living as Whole Fragments 