We have been struggling as of late, not with the daily struggles of living plural, but the identity crisis we are enduring currently. Many neurotypicals, are inclined to believe, and why wouldn’t they, that our identity is inherent; attaching one identity, to one body, to a singular existence. This makes perfect sense, to singlets. For the plural, how could we ever form identity, if identity means something uniquely, a single entity? Herein lies the conflict, we believe lies at the core of many of our issues in the creepy funhouse, that sometimes mimics het emotions of living with Dissociative Identity Disorer.
For us, a collective system fo thirteen alters, who all at one time or another feel as if the are the “real Kevin”, there is nothing inherent about identity. We live in a world, where nothing is, as it seems to be. When adult survive, whaat are undoubtedly, the most terrible things, unimaginable ordeals, they are damaged beyond repair. Now, try to comprehend those same emotions, and fears, being programmed into a child, repeatedly.
Being left with no alternative, other than to make fear the primary information stream in the decision making process, our choices reflected those fears. We became known as a coward. We became, full of guilt and shame, for causing our parents to hate us, and each other. Even as toddlers, it seem children hav ethe most power, as it is perceived by some parents.
As our fears of being ourself, the perpetual cause of the hate and discontent in our universe, we had to become the people we needed to survive. Now, as an adult this is a daunting task, to define our essence. To be able to become what we are, we must first know who we are. Existence precedes essence. We cannot define our existence, however we can construct our sense of what we are, by first understanding who we are. This is for us, and most people, our greatest struggle.
For centuries, mankind has struggled so much with existence, entire philosophies hav been developed. Fear base cults, religions and hate groups have evolved into modern societies. Now, we have all these struggles within, thirteen times over.
So, we think for many like us, this is the core of our crazy. Being truly insane, one must come to grips, and not just accept, but embrace the crazy. As we will soon discuss, the crazy is not actually insanity, but evolution. Living, in a constant state of hyper vigilance, refusing to “turn-off”, will lead to serious physiological effects. The psychological effects are even more devastating. In many cases, compared to extended, enhanced interrogations. Sleep Deprivation, depression, personality disorders, and other serious conditions. For a Childs mind, these are jus too much load to shoulder. We needed help, and there was none to find.
In most cases of child trauma, a common thread appears, the child was never heard when they cried out for help, was never believed, or was put in greater jeopardy from a lack of inaction after parental contact. In most cases of covert abuse, the child is punished and restricted even more than before. Thus, making further attempts at seeking help, too dangerous to consider.
Thus, we were made. our essence, forever in conflict with our existence. Plurality, has become the evolution of humanity. In reponse to the flawed human condition, we have continued to see our numbers increase. The forced evolution, of our children. Bringing about survivors, for who for whatever the reason, are more complex, and have advanced abilities. They have expanded their consciousness. They use a greater percentage of their grey matter, than nerotypicals. We are not broken, or afflicted with some terrible communicable disease. We are the evolutionary response, to the worst events one can survive.
SO, how does this bring us back to identity? Wow have been labled, in our case, as having Dissociative Identity Disorder. This implies that there is a major problem inside our system. We are somehow less desirable, or capable fo being productive. When in fact we have gifts that can never ben experienced by those living in “Normality”. Many neurodivergents, either folks that are on the Autism Spectrum, Trauma Survivors, and many others, are labeled as having disorders. The only reason we are given this designation? Simply, there are many more that are “typical”. That is the only reason. We are different, not the majority.
most of that push trough existence, being “special”, end up in therapy. We realize now, that many therapists approach the idea incorrectly. A good therapist does not see a problem with a person, they see a person who has issues with others unlike themselves. How can we ever evolve into acceptance and happiness, if we are perpetually labeled as broken? If we are broken, would that not indicate a need for something to be repaired? Infant, what we learn int therapy, i that we are exactly as we need to be. We have to accept first, we are not malfunctioning. That we are exceptionally gifted to have survived.
Several of our alters, experience life in the spectrum. We all have experienced our perceptions through the eyes of a survivor. We for years, thought therapy was supposed to make our life easier, fix us, and we were so wrong. Our perceptions in the end are what come to make us whole again. Broken and fractures, but boring as a collective rather than completely disordered. Thoreau, has always believed, “As I see Myself I Am”, For the Neuro-Evolved, this could not be more accurate. No matter the number of individuals your body possess, you can all develop your “I am”.
I am, to even be able to comprehend the meaning. I, meaning self, and am. To be self. First we have to accept ourselves in the beauty for who we are. Existentialism is based in the reality of who, defines what. To be “I AM”, I must first know who each of us truly are. The needs for one to ba able to validate our own existence is crucial to self. How do we validate ourselves? most of us, especially in our circles, constantly seek validation from others. Either in the form of perfectionism, workaholics, or just plain old codependence. We feel that without this reassurance from others, that we are somehow less.
Validation, on an internal level, self to self, is more complex. Only you know how you really feel. Only self knows what your perceptions truly are. There is not another living soul that will share the exact same perception as yourself. This si true amongst NT’s, but much more dynamic in the world of the Neuro-Evolved. Being hypersensitive, to not only sensory stimulation, but to emotional energy. The evolved will respond in ways that are foreign to many, and comfortable to us. This doe into make the evolved wrong. We are simply processing in a way that is different.
We had to quit trying to fix our crazy. We had to accept it for what it was, parts of us. We now began to reorganize our existence, to accept the parts of us as valid. Our feelings, thoughts and emotions were valid, not because of anything that happened, because they just are. We began to listen to our inner voices, everyone have at least one. Belief in ourselves becomes easier as we realize that all the programming we have endured, is invalid and flawed. neurotypicals may very well have a plan for what works for their involved minds, but the evolved require a different depth of knowledge.
We will continue to refine our definition of what we are as we progress daily in the reaffirmation of who we are. We try to find in every moment, of every day, the things that others do not find relevant. We look to find the good as we see it, and discard the negative. we understand that our spectrum of existence is not the same as the others around us, and we must strive to live in our world. We are at a disadvantage, simply because of our small numbers, but ever growing. We truly believe that in time, the spectrum will be seen as normality and another evolutionary process will emerge. We are an ever changing and remarkable group, and choose to stay in the world we have grown to enjoy.
We ARE Kevin(s)
Living as Whole Fragments 