Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!

One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times as time allows. But almost always ending in being alone.

Even today, as we stumble through adulthood, more aware and organized than ever before we are the same. Our best friends, and they are few, do not expect us to show up to an invitation. When we ask them somewhere, many times they just don’t show because the same is expected from us. The conflict we feel internally and the intra-system dissent is relentless.

An invitation to someone’s home is almost a certain decline of invitation, so most do not even ask anymore. Our social interactions while much better than before, are completely immature or even rude. we do not go into other people’s homes.

We have one friend that most times will drop what he is doing if we happen to be out for some random reason, which usually involves us being moody. Even then, they will come or attempt to come many times to find us already gone. The victim of a switch, or a deep seeded belief we are not worthy of friends. Why then would they come to spend time with us? Our mind runs races with us. We return home in a worse mood than before.

We are asking today as we need to see if others are like this. We’re you able to learn why you are like this? We have known this for so long and never been honest enough to admit it to ourself or anyone else.

Case in point. My girlfriend is 26 years younger than our body and my age. she is exclusive to me and she does not date the others in the system. This is key for us as we are super jelly. We have been open with her about our plurality since we start dating. She is cute, has her own money and just amazing. She displays every sign of being super into me, and yet we cannot believe it.

We feel an episode of self sabotage trying to sneak up. We are good at wrecking good things in our life and cultivating the bullshit. So we are trying to figure out why, even though it’s been a while now, and we are actually happy. All of us inside and out! Why then do I find myself fighting with the system over her authenticity and my worth.

Does anyone else have this issue?

5 thoughts on “Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!

  1. I think for many plural folks, it’s this “defectiveness schema” running through out lives. That deep down we are rotten and bad and that people will leave when they discover “the truth about us”. So self sabotage cones in to drive them away first, because if we drive them off, we won’t be abandoned when they realise we’re horrible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Abandonment. That’s a big one for us. We will stay with toxic people from this fear. You are so correct. The feelings of being worthless from childhood still driving our bus too. So hard to deflect even when we know it’s not true. We are almost done with a post on abandonment. I think it ouches on why we have such issues. To the point of being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. For us, we need the option to cancel or we’ll never say “yes”.

    We had a life full of forced “socialising” with family bullies and what few “friends” we had all had to be approved of by our abusive parents, so all “friends” were bullies. A tool so they can say we weren’t kept isolated, but also of course “no one really liked you.”

    So with our current friends, we need the option to cancel, which thankfully they understand. And most of the time we prefer Zoom with a group of familiar people. Not 1 on 1 (horrendous anxiety) talking on any voice platform no matter how long we’ve known the person. But friends talking to each other on Zoom and we just silently listening in and occasionally typing.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s