We wanted to introduce you to an upcoming, ongoing study into something well, fun. We have been able, not only as a Collective System, but as a confirmed, “Extremely Slutty Person”, as characterized by a popular online quiz!! 😂 We are of course speaking of the ability of two completely slutty people, to overcome their … Continue reading Slutopia
Author: Kevin(s)
Wow. What to say?
Nothing has come to anger us more in life, than the shrugging of personal accountability. We have found it is those whom most want to cover their own like in the sand that place blame on the most vulnerable. Recently we responded to a post on a professional platform about homelessness in America. The post … Continue reading Blaming the Mentally Ill
In reading this piece, certain things should be a given. Various facts that relate to being plural, are just that, facts. We are not here to debate the validity of Multiplicity; We are here to redefine one of the most controversial topics in plurality, Integration. Integration, on its face value seems fairly self explanatory. As … Continue reading Integration, Existentially Re-defined
“We are not broken; We are what comes next”
So, a bit of a prologue here. We were on an emotional, chemical high. All natural, mostly. Lol. We did not go back and rearrange the paragraphs, so they are in the order as we processed them. We did this to simply demonstrate how deep the fracturing effects our everything. As we write today, we … Continue reading How Long Must We Pay For The Sins Of Others.
Today has been a shut day on so many levels. Honestly, most of it our own making. Damn, we hate that. When we realize we usually make it worse all on our own. Today is no exception. For personal reasons, let’s say my personal life is a train wreck. Again, not too surprising, neither is … Continue reading Sorry, Not Sorry about the Alters.
This is something that is not exclusive to Dissociative Disorders. Abandonment, and more importantly the fear of, is at the heart of many developmental, emotional and mental disorders. More importantly, we must first understand what the term means to those of us who fear it, and why. The world abandonment, usually means to most people, … Continue reading Abandonment
One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times … Continue reading Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!
We write not only here, but in another much larger space. We respond to some questions interesting inquiries at times. Here is one tonight. A young lady sends me a message, wanting to know if she could tell if she has DID. This was different as we usually get people asking how to tell if … Continue reading Could You Tell If You Had DID?
So, we just read an article about how to respond to blog comments. Wow. We didn’t honestly know that there was a protocol for this. Can we just say we suck at it. We are so sacred to typically insult people, that we are just happy you didn’t hate it and took the time to … Continue reading a note from me, brian.
My ability to stay in the present, through even the most uncomfortable moments, has allowed the system to gain confidence in me. They are no longer required to respond to every spike in my adrenaline. They do not feel the need to manage my life, as they are comfortable, validated, and safe within me; Mostly.
If you are going to let an asshole into your house, do not be surprised when he breaks something.
For as many years as we can remember, the feeling like we were very different, was always there. Maybe not the conscience knowledge of a particular issue, but the unthought-known, something was certainly "special" about us. The almost predictable ridicule and bullying we experienced though our early years, till our post adolescent years, was certainly … Continue reading My Alters Are Not Crazy, I Am
We are in the process of trying to update our website. We are not getting too much support from the system for other reasons, but needless to say I suck st it. Lol. If there is anyone who is familiar with WordPress and would like to give us a hand, we would be grateful. We … Continue reading So, just a quick note…..
Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. How the over dramatification and lack of understanding of both coping skills has not only served to drive people to dark places, but also go to furthering the trauma, even compounding it in some cases.
We know, you think that the term Optimistic Depression is actually inaccurate on face; You may be right in a rationale world, here in the Outer Limits fo consciousness and despair, the rules of reason are scrapped for the programmed fight or fight response.
Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 3
Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 2
Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 1.
This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now … Continue reading DID, Marriage, and Therapy
So many times when we are processing, we wander aimlessly it seems through the depths of our mind. Many times we need to recall later, and as our crazy, fractured existence demands, we forget. Rarely do we have toe foresight to take notes of our adventures inward, looking outward. Making, or trying too, sense of … Continue reading Empowering Choice Without Fear
There are so many things we want to convey, as we persevere through the horror movie of our mind. So many revelations, or at least they are to us, and so many new questions to be asked and answered. As we now know the truth, that we are allowed to ask questions, safely. We also … Continue reading “Your lucky, you have good parents!”
as we attempt, to once more make reason from irrationality, we are still struggling with many things. We reach for words and concepts that we are so able to grasp minutes before, only to find the remnants of as dream lost to the darkness. We look for clues, we grasp at hints of thoughts, flashes … Continue reading Putting Together the Pieces of Acceptance
re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. … Continue reading What is Recovery
For us, the realization and awareness of our plurality has been grueling at times, and serene at others. Just as our external moods have always seemed to shift in almost Bipolar fashions, our internal barometer is no different. At some point in our life, we became accepting of the fact we were never to be … Continue reading Thriving, Over Surviving
We have been struggling as of late, not with the daily struggles of living plural, but the identity crisis we are enduring currently. Many neurotypicals, are inclined to believe, and why wouldn't they, that our identity is inherent; attaching one identity, to one body, to a singular existence. This makes perfect sense, to singlets. For … Continue reading Identity and Neuro-Evolution
For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in … Continue reading Abandonment.
The Executive Committee. We are now entering new areas of life, daily, even hourly. We are traveling the uncharted ground of day to day, system management. We try and look at our life as a complex business, that has to be run efficiently, in order to survive. That last bit is critical, as our body … Continue reading Intra-system Relationship Management
You know, we really wanted, and still want, to work. We know looking back we cannot. We are not really meant to be around people. Our ability to handle the day to day of people, is a fantasy. This is aside from our later physical limitations. We so desired all these years, to be a … Continue reading Happiness Is Not Always Peace
As a member of a now defined system, meaning we share a common organic body, there are many instances, when we overtake another boudoirs. in the life of singlets this happens and most people adjust on the fly, or become known as full of shit. Either way leaves a lasting impression on the receiver of … Continue reading Expression of Self, Vs Knowing Self
The unique place that we, and we suspect many, is to find ourselves is trying too ascertain if we are looking into insanity, or peering into rationality from within the crazy. Always standing on the edge of madness, trying to reason from which perspective we are viewing our lives, can fuel the chaos, and deepen … Continue reading Wanting to Run Into Nothingness
So many of us that suffer from PTSD/cPTSD, and other associated trauma diagnosis, have no idea at all who we really are. We only have the misinformed ideas we were taught at such young age. Many of these ideas, contributed to the trauma, or did nothing more than reinforce the negative perceptions we have about … Continue reading Redefining Identity, After Complex Trauma Part II
We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there. We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair. We … Continue reading Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I
There has been a delay since our last posting. Our lives have become somewhat more manageable in certain ways. We have made choices in our lives that are scary, things we would have never done before. We have ventured into new space as things would seem, or have we? Are we just merely following our … Continue reading Triggering a Little, And How To Recover
So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.
For the longest time, we have looked for things in others, we were locking from our childhood. This was not a conscious search, but like many of us, we were "looking for love in all the wrong places! " I know, but Johnny Lee could not have said it better, if he himself were a … Continue reading Relationships With Trauma Survivors
Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate. They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions. For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to. You can never quiet … Continue reading Regulating a Bully Alter
We are a great fan of existentialism and the freedoms that accompany living authentic. However this is a double edged sword, as responsibility for our choices is never without pain. Pain as it seems is the knife that forms the clay of humanity. We are very much defined through our own suffering, which in many … Continue reading Duty or Happiness?
Perhaps the most difficult thing for us, and we believe many others like us; is the ability to express our desires. A most basic human need and function. Without expressing our desires, we rarely are able to satisfy our existentiality. One of the fundamentals of being human, is our individuality. Our desires are not just whims, to be catered … Continue reading Fear of Expressing Needs
Not knowing how to begin this piece, we wanted to speak of many things. So much is in our consciousness at he moment, needing to erupt into the living world. So many times we are fearful of the consequences of our thoughts, our desires, of the very feelings that are supposed to define who we … Continue reading the bad seed
For those of you just tuning in, we are a system of thirteen alters, living inside a single body. We are like a bunch of roommates, sharing a studio flat, in Tokyo. The interpersonal exploits are as many as we are, multiplied exponentially. This too goes for our love lives. Welcome to the … Continue reading Multiple Personalities and Polyamory. Finding Happiness Without Guilt, Shame or Judgement.
Six Daughters, Two Wives, fourteen personalities, in one body, and only one house. Yes, you read correctly. This post is going to address our very complicated, and very real situation we are currently living. This is the reality of romance and marriage in DID. This is the living hell/heaven/whatever, that we created, and many times … Continue reading Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance….
We have over the course of our existence, been searching for connection. Connection amongst our own selves, as well as connection with the world around us. We have tried running, traveling, hiding and even the ever popular, failed relationship. Never did we feel connected to anything, or anyone. Walking forever alone in a sea of … Continue reading Connectivity Achieved! With ourselves, and the world.
Recently, while indulging in not so intellectual pursuits, our minds seem to wander and realize something so basic, yet so foreign to us. As human beings, and mammals, or just about any living creature, we all have common traits and needs. The need for sustenance, the need to procreate, the need to sleep, and other … Continue reading Fearing What We Need The Most
We are currently at 40000 feet and traveling back to our current home. As we have over fifteen hours to our next destination, we have been reflecting. We have always been most at ease when we travel. No matter the reason for it. Work or play, immigration or just good old migration, we are most … Continue reading The Safety of Unfamiliarity
As we approach our travel day, away from Chaing May, the existential angst that has left us for most of our adventure returns. The body has taken note, and we cannot deny the effects. The fatigue, pain, and overall feelings of dread and dismay are completely upon us. This is not a coincidence, this is … Continue reading The Dark Cloud Cometh
Achieving Existential Power Existentialism, which like may philosophies, has been viewed as obscure, and in many cases almost meaningless to the common man. May philosophies have been all but dismissed as impractical studies, reserved for intellectual elites, and scholars. These studies are reserved for those who do not need to push through, in the … Continue reading Existential Empowerment
As we continue this journey through space and time, we realize more, there is no conclusion to our existence. Even though death is a certainty, reaching the climax of our humanity is certainly unattainable. The struggle to give meaning to the nothingness that we occupy only brings angst and despair. We are as Sartre … Continue reading An Existential Approach to The Integration Question
We have focused greatly on our opinion of the Existential ideology, and how that applies to the consciousness of our humanity, but also allows us to power our own freedom through true choice in actions. Admittedly, we believe that an Existential attitude towards our day to day lives is preferred; this cannot however be the … Continue reading Gaining Identity through Exi-Sential Balance
Power originating from individual authenticity, is the greatest source of energy in the universe.
Hello again from the bridge of the Enterprise! This has been about the hardest week in the last year or two. This is why we have been quiet. We have been taking stock, in ourselves, the world, and our current perception of things. First, let us explore what has brought us here, to this place. … Continue reading Fooling Ourselves, Lying to No-One
Introduction We wanted to take a minute, to let you in; the consumer, to understand for just a glimpse, the struggles and tribulations, trauma survivors, being us, endure. If you have read any of our other pieces, you will know that our journey, has been filled with regrets, failures, anguish, and also resounding moments of … Continue reading Why Science Fails Trauma Survivors? There is No Humanity in Science.
Part One We all know that the most challenging, or one of the most challenging things, can be raising children. In todays times, you will more than likely also get a chance to raise someone else children as well. They say it takes a village, but what village? We have found that this does … Continue reading Parenting Made Easy…… Maybe
This is one of those defining moments in our lives, where we have an opportunity to either make the choices we have always made, or try something different. I know that this seems a no brainer, for many of you reading this. If your that crazy, why would you choose to make the same choices … Continue reading New Feelings, New Fears; Is this really, “Getting Better?”
If there is one struggle that we can all remember through the history of our life, it is the one for feeling close to anything. We have felt closer to places, and animals than we ever have top people. I am sure that is because of our history with humans. The feeling of being close, … Continue reading Group Solitary Confinement. The struggle for closeness.
I really wanted to stop, and think hard before writing this. This challenges the very core of may peoples challenges, including our own. Before we go into the depths of hell which is being the IP, lets identify and define what the "IP" means. Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a … Continue reading Being the Identified Patient…..
How many times has the google search pinged this. How many of us are searching for answers to out struggles online, in the dark. We are all looking for the same thing. Many of us have reached into different belief systems, religions, social groups and more. We are all looking for answers, meaning, proof were … Continue reading Do we/You(s) have DID?
How many times have you heard, "Whats it like to have multiple personalities?" If I had a dollar..... The truth is having the ability to completely dissociate your entire identity, at mostly involuntary moments, can be like, just about anything. The truth is, in our opinion, there are things that it definitely is not. The … Continue reading What it’s Not…
Having DID, or multiple Personalities can be, no let me change that, IS a challenge most every minute of every day! We have the folks at AA beat! They live one day at a time, we live situation to situation. Putting a reference to any kind of time is a bit silly. Time is something … Continue reading Soul Switching
More often than not, we all, this includes you too, tend to dwell and toil in the negative or less than serene fragments of our lives. We stress and fret, and force ourselves to run the "hamster wheel" every day. Why? I am not sure. Please send me an email telling me this so that … Continue reading Empower Your Serenity
To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down. Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with. This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise … Continue reading To Be or Not Boundary!
Good Day to all of you that read the revelings of a man trapped in a small space with a dozen or so other men. SO close you can hear each other think, fart, and well, sometimes you can ever see their dreams......... Though this all may seem like fiction to the non0informed reader, its … Continue reading The Torture of Serenity, The Tease of Sanity
Every time I google DID, and thats a lot by the way, I always come up with the same verbiage and blah blah blah. For the afflicted, this is very daunting. We are isolationists, very mistrusting, if at all, and yet we are asked to believe that we have one of the rarest things on … Continue reading From Our Perspective. Yes I am Crazy.
If you are a reader then thank you!, if this be your first read; Hold on and throw your sense of normal out the window. Much has been made in our household as of late, about the idea of cheating on your spouse. I must agree that when one takes an oath, vow, or … Continue reading Our Wife and Her Husbands
As this journey progresses, we will visit items and places both fond and frightening to us. You will experience not only the feelings of the "front", but the balance of our pieces as well. This can be a daunting task for those who think in two or even three dimensions. Take yourself outside your body, … Continue reading My First Memory……
I realize that we haven't posted in some time. Honestly we have been in a really bad depression. I am pretty sure most of us have been. Anyways, if you are reading this now, we thank you sincerely and apologize for the absence. We have been in an incredible journey. We feel like we … Continue reading Trying To Realize The Truth Of It All….
Good Day everyone! We have been gone for a bit. Things have been very rocky the last few weeks since Gene passed. The alter reunion tour has been charging on whether they needed to or not! We hae been learning a lot about not only ourselves, but our current IRL family. More importantly how the … Continue reading The Sanity of Madness
How many times do we feel marginalized by those with the money and power? Did you know that the majority, actually over 90% of the wealth in the United Stars, and the world actually, is controlled by one family? Before you laugh and quit reading this conspiracy theory crap, WAIT ONE BIT! Listen to how … Continue reading The Corporations Are Murdering Us All!
So, We didn't know about this till we got home. When we were driving back evidently Jeff was driving, LOL😆😆 if you know Jeff you know what I mean! Anyways an old friend of mine who is a self professed and practicing lesbian, and us have been chatting lately. She looked us up after 12 … Continue reading So, I have another son I didn’t know about. Who died. Didn’t know that either.
So we made it home after the trip. What a trip. I don't remember seeing it in the cold storage place. I have heard stories though. I am sorry if you were there that day. That's all I can say on that. Moving along, we have never been any kind of artist other than stick … Continue reading Lost in head space…….
As you know we have been dealing with it's death. Kevin went to see it today and we haven't felt him since. We found ourselves in front of the cold storage where they're keeping it. We have learned the UG was also a cruel and hateful being. What we don't understand to this day is … Continue reading The Secret is the Power!!!!
Well. I am in the land of coal and welfare. It is a beautiful state. But that's not why we came now is it. So, we were able to see a family member that had answers. Answers that we weren't expecting or wanting. However answers that were truth. They say the truth sets you free? … Continue reading OH Shit. The truth hit the fan,.,
Having DID, or as Inlike to call it my "logistics and support team", does give me an unfair advantage over most folks. Let's face it. I can multi task with the best of them. Unfortunately, the same gift can be a terrible affliction when it allows a you to see through the dog of bullshit … Continue reading So. The things we learn…
So. As you all know I am enroute to West Virginia to tend to Genes affairs. Here's the thing. My cousins want ,Ed to just let him be at PEACE!! They want me to respect his wishes!!!! WTF? Then, when she tells me she can't figure out what I did that was so wrong????I told … Continue reading Hate this confusion!!!!
Well. we are finally off to West Virginia. I think the best thing to come out of this so far is that Ashley and I have had one of the most honest conversations of our lives and I can finally be my selves around him. I am collecting him air Rebeccas, my sister in … Continue reading Im Off to Bury the Wizard…
Hey there intent demon! Just wanted to drop in on this thing and let my presence in the world be known! Its not fair that the others get all this airtime and I get shoved in the closet. they keep talking about all the stuff they do and I can't even goo out for a … Continue reading Hey….Im BrIAN DAMN IT!
Wow, so am going to copy and paste a post I just made on Facebook. Please respond. "OMG! Has anyone ever just had that moment when a light bulb goes off and it’s like” I really am crazy as shit!!” Just happened to me and I’m telling us as I am laughing that I am … Continue reading So I just closed myself…
Wow, ok so here we go... This is a complete mess! The fathers body sin cold storage, and I am the next of kin!! REALLY!! Are we the only ones that see the irony in this? So his new girlfriend wanted to cremate him right away...I also found out that the body was NEVER examined … Continue reading What to do with the Body???
So, Gene, my father, out sperm donating POS father finally died last night. We still don’t believe it! We’re going to see the body! on top of all this, he can’t even have the decency to handle his affairs properly. I am the next of kin and he didn’t marry the Whore he was … Continue reading So. It finally died.
I count think of a better title for this! It comes down to the stability of our relationships doest it? We feel better when the relationships in our head, and in TRW are calm and meshing well. The only issue with that is...well, US! Tammy and I are evidently at loggerheads agin and I don't … Continue reading Im Stuck in Groundhog Day!!!!
it seems that as much as we try to get it together, Murphys law will ALWAYS prevail! have you ever known now fo those people that it seems their plans remain, their plans!!!??? I know, irritating as hell isn't it! I would be happy if I cold manage to have a single day go as … Continue reading Hell and Back, all in a day…Less!
I had an interview this morning with an IT company. This is my first attempt to break into the lucrative and technology driven market. I truly love technology, I am after all a Star Wars Nerd! The real ones, not the Disney stuff! I had no idea they would call me with such an UN-IT … Continue reading Great Interview Today!
Hey there, Thank you for reading this post. We are really trying to decide if medicaiton is the route to go, and here is why... Many years ago, Einstein wrote this:" The doctors of the future will use food as their medicine!" We are living proof of this! Kevin took himself off of all … Continue reading The Big Pharma and Me Dilemma..
SO, The back story...I have a dog named Hercules, yes he is real! He is an English Mastiff and hige part of our family. Recently we rescued some abandoned pups and he has decided to raise them...He also raised a litter of abandoned kittens, which have decided never to leave! So here you will see … Continue reading Something to Laugh At! FAS!
Things have been exceptionally strange this week. We usually have thanksgiving with Tammy's family usually in East Texas, occasionaly here. This year with all the crazy goign on and some other things that we cannot say yet, we did not do the whole in-law thing this year. I am actually pretty relieved, seeing as … Continue reading What a hell of a Holiday Week!
What a day! I have been struggiling all day with frustration and stuff. Everybody wants their damn way and I only have one body to go around! Top this off with trying to get everything doen today thats been getting left behind, and its a recipie fro a breakdown! Kevin is always wanting out lately … Continue reading Chaos Abounds! HELP PLEASE!!
Good Morning, its 0430 agin and as usual I am wide frekin awake! I am getting used to this now. So, the big shift in lifestyle,what was it? Simply put I have been too fat for too long. One of my neighbors had told me her father had been on insulin and basically homebound for … Continue reading The Big Lifestyle Change……
Thanks again for reading this far. We are all trying to learn our place here, and I am still trying to work on the format. I wanted to give you a bit of background on whats happening now and then as my mind wanders we will get glimpses into the past and other parts … Continue reading So, you read all the first post!
This is the excerpt for your very first post.
Living as Whole Fragments 
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