Slutopia

We wanted to introduce you to an upcoming, ongoing study into something well, fun. We have been able, not only as a Collective System, but as a confirmed, “Extremely Slutty Person”, as characterized by a popular online quiz!! 😂 We are of course speaking of the ability of two completely slutty people, to overcome their …

Blaming the Mentally Ill

Nothing has come to anger us more in life, than the shrugging of personal accountability. We have found it is those whom most want to cover their own like in the sand that place blame on the most vulnerable. Recently we responded to a post on a professional platform about homelessness in America. The post …

Integration, Existentially Re-defined

In reading this piece, certain things should be a given. Various facts that relate to being plural, are just that, facts. We are not here to debate the validity of Multiplicity; We are here to redefine one of the most controversial topics in plurality, Integration. Integration, on its face value seems fairly self explanatory. As …

Removing Fear From Survival

“We are not broken; We are what comes next”

How Long Must We Pay For The Sins Of Others.

So, a bit of a prologue here. We were on an emotional, chemical high. All natural, mostly. Lol. We did not go back and rearrange the paragraphs, so they are in the order as we processed them. We did this to simply demonstrate how deep the fracturing effects our everything. As we write today, we …

Sorry, Not Sorry about the Alters.

Today has been a shut day on so many levels. Honestly, most of it our own making. Damn, we hate that. When we realize we usually make it worse all on our own. Today is no exception. For personal reasons, let’s say my personal life is a train wreck. Again, not too surprising, neither is …

Abandonment

This is something that is not exclusive to Dissociative Disorders. Abandonment, and more importantly the fear of, is at the heart of many developmental, emotional and mental disorders. More importantly, we must first understand what the term means to those of us who fear it, and why. The world abandonment, usually means to most people, …

Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!

One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times …

Could You Tell If You Had DID?

We write not only here, but in another much larger space. We respond to some questions interesting inquiries at times. Here is one tonight. A young lady sends me a message, wanting to know if she could tell if she has DID. This was different as we usually get people asking how to tell if …

a note from me, brian.

So, we just read an article about how to respond to blog comments. Wow. We didn’t honestly know that there was a protocol for this. Can we just say we suck at it. We are so sacred to typically insult people, that we are just happy you didn’t hate it and took the time to …

System Management

My ability to stay in the present, through even the most uncomfortable moments, has allowed the system to gain confidence in me. They are no longer required to respond to every spike in my adrenaline. They do not feel the need to manage my life, as they are comfortable, validated, and safe within me; Mostly.

Choosing Not To Abuse

If you are going to let an asshole into your house, do not be surprised when he breaks something.

My Alters Are Not Crazy, I Am

For as many years as we can remember, the feeling like we were very different, was always there. Maybe not the conscience knowledge of a particular issue, but the unthought-known, something was certainly "special" about us. The almost predictable ridicule and bullying we experienced though our early years, till our post adolescent years, was certainly …

So, just a quick note…..

We are in the process of trying to update our website. We are not getting too much support from the system for other reasons, but needless to say I suck st it. Lol. If there is anyone who is familiar with WordPress and would like to give us a hand, we would be grateful. We …

DID-BPD-I’m C-R-A-Z-Y!

Borderline Personality Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. How the over dramatification and lack of understanding of both coping skills has not only served to drive people to dark places, but also go to furthering the trauma, even compounding it in some cases.

Is There a Prize?

We know, you think that the term Optimistic Depression is actually inaccurate on face; You may be right in a rationale world, here in the Outer Limits fo consciousness and despair, the rules of reason are scrapped for the programmed fight or fight response.

Trauma Superstorm Part 3

Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to …

Trauma Superstorm Part 2

Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though …

Trauma Superstorm Part 1.

Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl …

DID, Marriage, and Therapy

This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now …

Empowering Choice Without Fear

So many times when we are processing, we wander aimlessly it seems through the depths of our mind. Many times we need to recall later, and as our crazy, fractured existence demands, we forget. Rarely do we have toe foresight to take notes of our adventures inward, looking outward. Making, or trying too, sense of …

“Your lucky, you have good parents!”

There are so many things we want to convey, as we persevere through the horror movie of our mind. So many revelations, or at least they are to us, and so many new questions to be asked and answered. As we now know the truth, that we are allowed to ask questions, safely. We also …

Putting Together the Pieces of Acceptance

as we attempt, to once more make reason from irrationality, we are still struggling with many things. We reach for words and concepts that we are so able to grasp minutes before, only to find the remnants of as dream lost to the darkness. We look for clues, we grasp at hints of thoughts, flashes …

What is Recovery

re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. …

Thriving, Over Surviving

For us, the realization and awareness of our plurality has been grueling at times, and serene at others. Just as our external moods have always seemed to shift in almost Bipolar fashions, our internal barometer is no different. At some point in our life, we became accepting of the fact we were never to be …

Identity and Neuro-Evolution

We have been struggling as of late, not with the daily struggles of living plural, but the identity crisis we are enduring currently. Many neurotypicals, are inclined to believe, and why wouldn't they, that our identity is inherent; attaching one identity, to one body, to a singular existence. This makes perfect sense, to singlets. For …

Abandonment.

For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in …

Intra-system Relationship Management

The Executive Committee. We are now entering new areas of life, daily, even hourly. We are traveling the uncharted ground of day to day, system management. We try and look at our life as a complex business, that has to be run efficiently, in order to survive. That last bit is critical, as our body …

Redefining Identity, After Complex Trauma Part II

So many of us that suffer from PTSD/cPTSD, and other associated trauma diagnosis, have no idea at all who we really are.  We only have the misinformed ideas we were taught at such young age.  Many of these ideas, contributed to the trauma, or did nothing more than reinforce the negative perceptions we have about …

Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I

We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there.  We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair.  We …

Triggering a Little, And How To Recover

There has been a delay since our last posting.  Our lives have become somewhat more manageable in certain ways.  We have made choices in our lives that are scary, things we would have never done before.  We have ventured into new space as things would seem, or have we?  Are we just merely following our …

Is Suicide is a better alternative to this….

So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.

Relationships With Trauma Survivors

For the longest time, we have looked for things in others, we were locking from our childhood.  This was not a conscious search, but like many of us, we were "looking for love in all the wrong places! " I know, but Johnny Lee could not have said it better, if he himself were a …

Regulating a Bully Alter

Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate.  They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions.  For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to.  You can never quiet …

Duty or Happiness?

We are a great fan of existentialism and the freedoms that accompany living authentic. However this is a double edged sword, as responsibility for our choices is never without pain. Pain as it seems is the knife that forms the clay of humanity. We are very much defined through our own suffering, which in many …

Fear of Expressing Needs

Perhaps the most difficult thing for us, and we believe many others like us; is the ability to express our desires.  A most basic human need and function.  Without expressing our desires, we rarely are able to satisfy our existentiality.  One of the fundamentals of being human, is our individuality.  Our desires are not just whims, to be catered …

the bad seed

Not knowing how to begin this piece, we wanted to speak of many things.  So much is in our consciousness at he moment, needing to erupt into the living world.  So many times we are fearful of the consequences of our thoughts, our desires, of the very feelings that are supposed to define who we …

Multiple Personalities and Polyamory. Finding Happiness Without Guilt, Shame or Judgement.

For those of you just tuning in, we are a system of thirteen alters, living inside a single body.   We are like a bunch of roommates, sharing a studio flat, in Tokyo.  The interpersonal exploits are as many as we are, multiplied exponentially.  This too goes for our love lives.   Welcome to the …

Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance….

Six Daughters, Two Wives, fourteen personalities, in one body, and only one house.  Yes, you read correctly.  This post is going to address our very complicated, and very real situation we are currently living.  This is the reality of romance and marriage in DID.  This is the living hell/heaven/whatever, that we created, and many times …

Fearing What We Need The Most

Recently, while indulging in not so intellectual pursuits, our minds seem to wander and realize something so basic, yet so foreign to us.  As human beings, and mammals, or just about any living creature, we all have common traits and needs.  The need for sustenance, the need to procreate, the need to sleep, and other …

The Safety of Unfamiliarity

We are currently at 40000 feet and traveling back to our current home. As we have over fifteen hours to our next destination, we have been reflecting. We have always been most at ease when we travel. No matter the reason for it. Work or play, immigration or just good old migration, we are most …

Existential Empowerment

      Achieving Existential Power Existentialism, which like may philosophies, has been viewed as obscure, and in many cases almost meaningless to the common man. May philosophies have been all but dismissed as impractical studies, reserved for intellectual elites, and scholars. These studies are reserved for those who do not need to push through, in the …

Fooling Ourselves, Lying to No-One

Hello again from the bridge of the Enterprise!  This has been about the hardest week in the last year or two.  This is why we have been quiet.  We have been taking stock, in ourselves, the world, and our current perception of things. First, let us explore what has brought us here, to this place. …

Why Science Fails Trauma Survivors? There is No Humanity in Science.

Introduction We wanted to take a minute, to let you in;  the consumer, to understand for just a glimpse, the struggles and tribulations,  trauma survivors, being us, endure.  If you have read any of our other pieces, you will know that our journey, has been filled with regrets, failures, anguish, and also resounding moments of …

New Feelings, New Fears; Is this really, “Getting Better?”

This is one of those defining moments in our lives, where we have an opportunity to either make the choices we have always made, or try something different.  I know that this seems a no brainer,  for many of you reading this.  If your that crazy, why would you choose to make the same choices …

Being the Identified Patient…..

I really wanted to stop, and think hard before writing this.   This challenges the very core of may peoples challenges, including our own.  Before we go into the depths of hell which is being the IP, lets identify and define what the "IP" means. Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a …

Soul Switching

Having DID, or multiple Personalities can be, no let me change that, IS a challenge most every minute of every day!  We have the folks at AA beat!  They live one day at a time, we live situation to situation.  Putting a reference to any kind of time is a bit silly.  Time is something …

To Be or Not Boundary!

To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down. Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with.  This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise …

Im Stuck in Groundhog Day!!!!

I count think of a better title for this!  It comes down to the stability of our relationships doest it?  We feel better when the relationships in our head, and in TRW are calm and meshing well.  The only issue with that is...well, US!  Tammy and I are evidently at loggerheads agin and I don't …