Slutopia

We wanted to introduce you to an upcoming, ongoing study into something well, fun. We have been able, not only as a Collective System, but as a confirmed, “Extremely Slutty Person”, as characterized by a popular online quiz!! 😂 We are of course speaking of the ability of two completely slutty people, to overcome their …

Removing Fear From Survival

“We are not broken; We are what comes next”

How Long Must We Pay For The Sins Of Others.

So, a bit of a prologue here. We were on an emotional, chemical high. All natural, mostly. Lol. We did not go back and rearrange the paragraphs, so they are in the order as we processed them. We did this to simply demonstrate how deep the fracturing effects our everything. As we write today, we …

Sorry, Not Sorry about the Alters.

Today has been a shut day on so many levels. Honestly, most of it our own making. Damn, we hate that. When we realize we usually make it worse all on our own. Today is no exception. For personal reasons, let’s say my personal life is a train wreck. Again, not too surprising, neither is …

Abandonment

This is something that is not exclusive to Dissociative Disorders. Abandonment, and more importantly the fear of, is at the heart of many developmental, emotional and mental disorders. More importantly, we must first understand what the term means to those of us who fear it, and why. The world abandonment, usually means to most people, …

Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!

One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times …

Could You Tell If You Had DID?

We write not only here, but in another much larger space. We respond to some questions interesting inquiries at times. Here is one tonight. A young lady sends me a message, wanting to know if she could tell if she has DID. This was different as we usually get people asking how to tell if …

Choosing Not To Abuse

If you are going to let an asshole into your house, do not be surprised when he breaks something.

My Alters Are Not Crazy, I Am

For as many years as we can remember, the feeling like we were very different, was always there. Maybe not the conscience knowledge of a particular issue, but the unthought-known, something was certainly "special" about us. The almost predictable ridicule and bullying we experienced though our early years, till our post adolescent years, was certainly …

Is There a Prize?

We know, you think that the term Optimistic Depression is actually inaccurate on face; You may be right in a rationale world, here in the Outer Limits fo consciousness and despair, the rules of reason are scrapped for the programmed fight or fight response.

Trauma Superstorm Part 3

Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to …

Trauma Superstorm Part 2

Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though …

Trauma Superstorm Part 1.

Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl …

DID, Marriage, and Therapy

This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now …

What is Recovery

re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. …

Abandonment.

For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in …

Happiness Is Not Always Peace

You know, we really wanted, and still want, to work. We know looking back we cannot. We are not really meant to be around people. Our ability to handle the day to day of people, is a fantasy. This is aside from our later physical limitations. We so desired all these years, to be a …

Redefining Identity, After Complex Trauma Part II

So many of us that suffer from PTSD/cPTSD, and other associated trauma diagnosis, have no idea at all who we really are.  We only have the misinformed ideas we were taught at such young age.  Many of these ideas, contributed to the trauma, or did nothing more than reinforce the negative perceptions we have about …

Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I

We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there.  We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair.  We …

Is Suicide is a better alternative to this….

So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.

Relationships With Trauma Survivors

For the longest time, we have looked for things in others, we were locking from our childhood.  This was not a conscious search, but like many of us, we were "looking for love in all the wrong places! " I know, but Johnny Lee could not have said it better, if he himself were a …

Regulating a Bully Alter

Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate.  They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions.  For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to.  You can never quiet …

Duty or Happiness?

We are a great fan of existentialism and the freedoms that accompany living authentic. However this is a double edged sword, as responsibility for our choices is never without pain. Pain as it seems is the knife that forms the clay of humanity. We are very much defined through our own suffering, which in many …

Multiple Personalities and Polyamory. Finding Happiness Without Guilt, Shame or Judgement.

For those of you just tuning in, we are a system of thirteen alters, living inside a single body.   We are like a bunch of roommates, sharing a studio flat, in Tokyo.  The interpersonal exploits are as many as we are, multiplied exponentially.  This too goes for our love lives.   Welcome to the …

Get your popcorn and favorite substance, and hang on…….. D.I.D. Romance….

Six Daughters, Two Wives, fourteen personalities, in one body, and only one house.  Yes, you read correctly.  This post is going to address our very complicated, and very real situation we are currently living.  This is the reality of romance and marriage in DID.  This is the living hell/heaven/whatever, that we created, and many times …

Fearing What We Need The Most

Recently, while indulging in not so intellectual pursuits, our minds seem to wander and realize something so basic, yet so foreign to us.  As human beings, and mammals, or just about any living creature, we all have common traits and needs.  The need for sustenance, the need to procreate, the need to sleep, and other …

An Existential Approach to The Integration Question

As we continue this journey through space and time, we realize more, there is no conclusion to our existence.  Even though death is a certainty, reaching the climax of our humanity is certainly unattainable.   The struggle to give meaning to the nothingness that we occupy only brings angst and despair. We are as Sartre …

Gaining Identity through Exi-Sential Balance

We have focused greatly on our opinion of the Existential ideology, and how that applies to the consciousness of our humanity, but also allows us to power our own freedom through true choice in actions.  Admittedly, we believe that an Existential attitude towards our day to day lives is preferred; this cannot however be the …

Fooling Ourselves, Lying to No-One

Hello again from the bridge of the Enterprise!  This has been about the hardest week in the last year or two.  This is why we have been quiet.  We have been taking stock, in ourselves, the world, and our current perception of things. First, let us explore what has brought us here, to this place. …

Why Science Fails Trauma Survivors? There is No Humanity in Science.

Introduction We wanted to take a minute, to let you in;  the consumer, to understand for just a glimpse, the struggles and tribulations,  trauma survivors, being us, endure.  If you have read any of our other pieces, you will know that our journey, has been filled with regrets, failures, anguish, and also resounding moments of …

Parenting Made Easy…… Maybe

  Part One We all know that the most challenging, or one of the most challenging things, can be raising children.  In todays times, you will more than likely also get a chance to raise someone else children as well.  They say it takes a village, but what village?  We have found that this does …

Group Solitary Confinement. The struggle for closeness.

If there is one struggle that we can all remember through the history of our life, it is the one for feeling close to anything.  We have felt closer to places, and animals than we ever have top people.  I am sure that is because of our history with humans.  The feeling of being close, …

Being the Identified Patient…..

I really wanted to stop, and think hard before writing this.   This challenges the very core of may peoples challenges, including our own.  Before we go into the depths of hell which is being the IP, lets identify and define what the "IP" means. Identified patient, or "IP", is a term used in a …

From Our Perspective. Yes I am Crazy.

Every time I google DID, and thats a lot by the way, I always come up with the same verbiage and blah blah blah.  For the afflicted, this is very daunting.  We are isolationists, very mistrusting, if at all, and yet we are asked to believe that we have one of the rarest things on …

Our Wife and Her Husbands

If you are a reader then thank you!, if this be your first read; Hold on and throw your sense of normal out the window.   Much has been made in our household as of late, about the idea of cheating on your spouse.  I must agree that when one takes an oath, vow, or …

Im Stuck in Groundhog Day!!!!

I count think of a better title for this!  It comes down to the stability of our relationships doest it?  We feel better when the relationships in our head, and in TRW are calm and meshing well.  The only issue with that is...well, US!  Tammy and I are evidently at loggerheads agin and I don't …