Nothing has come to anger us more in life, than the shrugging of personal accountability. We have found it is those whom most want to cover their own like in the sand that place blame on the most vulnerable. Recently we responded to a post on a professional platform about homelessness in America. The post … Continue reading Blaming the Mentally Ill
“We are not broken; We are what comes next”
So, a bit of a prologue here. We were on an emotional, chemical high. All natural, mostly. Lol. We did not go back and rearrange the paragraphs, so they are in the order as we processed them. We did this to simply demonstrate how deep the fracturing effects our everything. As we write today, we … Continue reading How Long Must We Pay For The Sins Of Others.
Today has been a shut day on so many levels. Honestly, most of it our own making. Damn, we hate that. When we realize we usually make it worse all on our own. Today is no exception. For personal reasons, let’s say my personal life is a train wreck. Again, not too surprising, neither is … Continue reading Sorry, Not Sorry about the Alters.
This is something that is not exclusive to Dissociative Disorders. Abandonment, and more importantly the fear of, is at the heart of many developmental, emotional and mental disorders. More importantly, we must first understand what the term means to those of us who fear it, and why. The world abandonment, usually means to most people, … Continue reading Abandonment
One of the greatest complaints about is, from significant others, schools, courts, and friends, is our ability to either cancel our plans or not show at all. We can orchestrate these monumental events, and at the very last minute cancel them. This does not mean we will not change our mind again, as many times … Continue reading Sure, I’d love to go!, Of course I am Going to Cancel On You!
We write not only here, but in another much larger space. We respond to some questions interesting inquiries at times. Here is one tonight. A young lady sends me a message, wanting to know if she could tell if she has DID. This was different as we usually get people asking how to tell if … Continue reading Could You Tell If You Had DID?
If you are going to let an asshole into your house, do not be surprised when he breaks something.
For as many years as we can remember, the feeling like we were very different, was always there. Maybe not the conscience knowledge of a particular issue, but the unthought-known, something was certainly "special" about us. The almost predictable ridicule and bullying we experienced though our early years, till our post adolescent years, was certainly … Continue reading My Alters Are Not Crazy, I Am
We are in the process of trying to update our website. We are not getting too much support from the system for other reasons, but needless to say I suck st it. Lol. If there is anyone who is familiar with WordPress and would like to give us a hand, we would be grateful. We … Continue reading So, just a quick note…..
Part 3. Running Into Darkness We have now exposed and examined the situations that caused the early trauma trifecta. The inability for the child to have an effective baseline of safety and boundaries, the lack of a safe space, either real or perceived, and the radically unstable maternal figure, our mom. Our only solution, to … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 3
Part 2 We have now come to the part, where the child has repeatedly been forced to cope with a laundry list of “innocuous horrors”. We use this term, because our parents could be famous quoting to us the many reasons that we were never abused. The verbiage was almost always the same, even though … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 2
Part One. Handmade Victim As an infant. We almost certainly would have been identified INFP-T. The gentle nature would have made us the apparent victim for an experienced abuser. The heir apparent. As a toddler, our reality already shattered, and the emotional, physical and psychological abuse comes to pass from our parents, all the whirl … Continue reading Trauma Superstorm Part 1.
This is a difficult subject for us to discuss. Even to begin. To try and transpose our food experiences and emotions about this subject, and exhaustive before we even begin. coming to full awareness while in a damaged relationship, is the black hole, of unstable confusion. When we came it be with our wife, now … Continue reading DID, Marriage, and Therapy
re·cov·er·y/rəˈkəv(ə)rē/ in:AllLawSportsnoun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions" As survivors of trauma, we find ourselves perpetually in the company, of other humans , obsessed with recovery. … Continue reading What is Recovery
For us, the realization and awareness of our plurality has been grueling at times, and serene at others. Just as our external moods have always seemed to shift in almost Bipolar fashions, our internal barometer is no different. At some point in our life, we became accepting of the fact we were never to be … Continue reading Thriving, Over Surviving
For many years, we were diagnosed as many things. Each alter can present with different symptoms, both physical and mental, leaving the same number of diagnosis’s in their wake. The answer to modern psychiatry, though more advanced than the previous centuries by a little, is psychotropic medications. Highly ineffective for DID. Consistency, is critical in … Continue reading Abandonment.
You know, we really wanted, and still want, to work. We know looking back we cannot. We are not really meant to be around people. Our ability to handle the day to day of people, is a fantasy. This is aside from our later physical limitations. We so desired all these years, to be a … Continue reading Happiness Is Not Always Peace
So many of us that suffer from PTSD/cPTSD, and other associated trauma diagnosis, have no idea at all who we really are. We only have the misinformed ideas we were taught at such young age. Many of these ideas, contributed to the trauma, or did nothing more than reinforce the negative perceptions we have about … Continue reading Redefining Identity, After Complex Trauma Part II
We have been having a revelation as of late, a seeming push from deep within our system to seek more than what is currently out there. We feel that maybe, all of the therapy we have had, albeit lifesaving and helpful, is only the beginning to a recovery that is more evolution than repair. We … Continue reading Moving Into The Future, and Out Of The Past, With Dissociative Identity Disorder. Part I
So, I challenge my readers, to explain to us why living in this fashion, is better than taking the chance that all will come to an end.
For the longest time, we have looked for things in others, we were locking from our childhood. This was not a conscious search, but like many of us, we were "looking for love in all the wrong places! " I know, but Johnny Lee could not have said it better, if he himself were a … Continue reading Relationships With Trauma Survivors
Having alters, can be more challenging than the worst spouse or room mate. They have their own opinions, and once awareness is attained, they also know they have very little accountability for their actions. For me, the worst part is not being able to leave the room when I need to. You can never quiet … Continue reading Regulating a Bully Alter
Not knowing how to begin this piece, we wanted to speak of many things. So much is in our consciousness at he moment, needing to erupt into the living world. So many times we are fearful of the consequences of our thoughts, our desires, of the very feelings that are supposed to define who we … Continue reading the bad seed
As we approach our travel day, away from Chaing May, the existential angst that has left us for most of our adventure returns. The body has taken note, and we cannot deny the effects. The fatigue, pain, and overall feelings of dread and dismay are completely upon us. This is not a coincidence, this is … Continue reading The Dark Cloud Cometh
As we continue this journey through space and time, we realize more, there is no conclusion to our existence. Even though death is a certainty, reaching the climax of our humanity is certainly unattainable. The struggle to give meaning to the nothingness that we occupy only brings angst and despair. We are as Sartre … Continue reading An Existential Approach to The Integration Question
Hello again from the bridge of the Enterprise! This has been about the hardest week in the last year or two. This is why we have been quiet. We have been taking stock, in ourselves, the world, and our current perception of things. First, let us explore what has brought us here, to this place. … Continue reading Fooling Ourselves, Lying to No-One
Introduction We wanted to take a minute, to let you in; the consumer, to understand for just a glimpse, the struggles and tribulations, trauma survivors, being us, endure. If you have read any of our other pieces, you will know that our journey, has been filled with regrets, failures, anguish, and also resounding moments of … Continue reading Why Science Fails Trauma Survivors? There is No Humanity in Science.
This is one of those defining moments in our lives, where we have an opportunity to either make the choices we have always made, or try something different. I know that this seems a no brainer, for many of you reading this. If your that crazy, why would you choose to make the same choices … Continue reading New Feelings, New Fears; Is this really, “Getting Better?”
If there is one struggle that we can all remember through the history of our life, it is the one for feeling close to anything. We have felt closer to places, and animals than we ever have top people. I am sure that is because of our history with humans. The feeling of being close, … Continue reading Group Solitary Confinement. The struggle for closeness.
How many times has the google search pinged this. How many of us are searching for answers to out struggles online, in the dark. We are all looking for the same thing. Many of us have reached into different belief systems, religions, social groups and more. We are all looking for answers, meaning, proof were … Continue reading Do we/You(s) have DID?
How many times have you heard, "Whats it like to have multiple personalities?" If I had a dollar..... The truth is having the ability to completely dissociate your entire identity, at mostly involuntary moments, can be like, just about anything. The truth is, in our opinion, there are things that it definitely is not. The … Continue reading What it’s Not…
More often than not, we all, this includes you too, tend to dwell and toil in the negative or less than serene fragments of our lives. We stress and fret, and force ourselves to run the "hamster wheel" every day. Why? I am not sure. Please send me an email telling me this so that … Continue reading Empower Your Serenity
To be honest, I know the title is crap, but I was at a loss and wanted to get past that point to get this down. Boundaries, something everyone at one time or another finds themselves in conflict or having issues with. This can ben the form of their own boundaries, or issues that arise … Continue reading To Be or Not Boundary!
Every time I google DID, and thats a lot by the way, I always come up with the same verbiage and blah blah blah. For the afflicted, this is very daunting. We are isolationists, very mistrusting, if at all, and yet we are asked to believe that we have one of the rarest things on … Continue reading From Our Perspective. Yes I am Crazy.
If you are a reader then thank you!, if this be your first read; Hold on and throw your sense of normal out the window. Much has been made in our household as of late, about the idea of cheating on your spouse. I must agree that when one takes an oath, vow, or … Continue reading Our Wife and Her Husbands
I count think of a better title for this! It comes down to the stability of our relationships doest it? We feel better when the relationships in our head, and in TRW are calm and meshing well. The only issue with that is...well, US! Tammy and I are evidently at loggerheads agin and I don't … Continue reading Im Stuck in Groundhog Day!!!!
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